Frequency


I came up with an idea the other day to write poetry inspired by music. There are many songs I’ve fallen in love with, I’m excited to share them with you. Here’s my first attempt with Jhene Aiko - Frequency.





When these frequencies
of mine
travel into the universe, 
please give me a sign 
and speak to me.
Keep it attuned
with serenity, love 
and positivity.
Translate my energy into
love so it can spread
into our generation,
when we feel hopeless despair
bless our situation,
help us remember
we are not our limitations,
give us hope and
anoint our planted seeds,
when it blooms and grows
we will become royalty.


December Goals



It's officially the last month of 2018! Grateful? Excited? You should be. You made it to see the last month of the year and that's something you should be grateful for. It's not surprising that many of us have had obstacles to overcome. You may have been tested multiple times throughout this year and thought you wouldn't make it through but guess what? YOU survived it all, so big up yourself!


The last time I did a monthly goals post I didn't stick to most of them (or maybe 'all' of them... we'll stick with 'most'). I never reminded myself of what they were, this is strange considering you should review your goals on a daily basis. This time, I'm planning to print my blogpost and hang it up on my noticeboard, I won't be able to avoid them this way. Hopefully I'll be consistent this time round.

MY PERSONAL GOALS


Always starting my day off with gratitude


This is a habit I picked up last week. It's really nice to start your day off feeling grateful for many things you are fortunate to have. I have a notebook in which I write 3 things I am grateful for everyday. Simply waking up is the first thing you should be thankful for.  On many mornings I have woken up feeling shit about what's happening in my life but why wake up already trying to find the negatives? There are people fighting to stay alive, some did not make it to see the rest of the day, so be grateful you were able to see yours.

Gym at least 2 times a week

My flatmate said I don't need the gym because I do so much walking. In Leicester I don't pay for the bus, which means I walk for 30 minutes to town and back (listen, this is a struggle for people with short legs). I don't go to town often so the physical activity isn't enough. I love going to the gym, breaking a sweat and feeling good after a good work out. Even going to the gym makes me feel good because I finally decided to go lmao. 2 times a week isn't bad at all and it's definitely achievable.


Using timers to complete tasks to boost time management and focus

I speak about time management all the time because it's my biggest weakness. Rather than speaking about how shitty my time management is I discovered something that actually helps. When I start a task I set a stopwatch and start doing the first task. Setting realistic time frames helps me to focus better. I strongly suggest you guys try this too if you struggle with time management and focus.


Waking up when my alarm goes off.

Man oh man. It seems impossible for me to get up when my alarm goes off. Do you know how frustrating it is to set your alarm and you end up waking up 3 HOURS LATER?!? Your whole schedule for the day has failed, dramatically.

You can't expect your mind and body to be productive when you sleep at 2am and set you alarm for 6am if your body is not used to it. There are a few solutions I have come across:
- putting your phone away from your bed so the only way you can turn it off is by getting up. If you turn it off and go straight back to bed well damn, I don't know for y'all.
- downloading the app 'Alarmy', which has different activities to prevent you from turning your alarm off before you complete them. I tried this a few years ago and it was quite effective until I started turning off my phone every time my alarm went off...I wouldn't do that now though.


MY CAREER GOALS






Spending at least 4 hours on my photography.


Evidently, I haven't been consistent with my photography (or blog, yikes). I have started to make weekly schedules to balance everything I need to do in my day. I enjoy photography so it wouldn't make sense to not make enough time for it, especially if I want to do it as a side hustle.

Increase my insta page by 100 followers


Impossible? Of course not. my cousin managed to grow her insta business page by 100 followers within 72 hours. I'm going to become better at engagement and interaction between followers. If you want clients you need exposure right?


Do 4 shoots by the end of this year

This is a goal I'm expecting myself to reach. I say 4 but really and truly I'm capable of doing 1/2 more.

Dedicating 30 mins - 1 hour to my blog 

Just like photography, writing is something I do to ease mental strain. It's a great way to clear my head. My goal is to write every single day for at least 30 mins - 1 hour, it could either be a poem or a blog post, as long as it's something.

Reading my mission statement everyday

Reminding yourself of your overall vision on a daily basis will motivate you and push you further. You need to know exactly why you are doing what you are doing, why you are waking up early and why you are sacrificing sleep to get where you need to be. When you procrastinate or you feel demotivated, reading your mission statement should instantly refuel your mind to understand the importance of what you are doing and how much it means to you.


That's it! 9 goals I know I can smash by the end of the year. It feels like a challenge but I'm ready to take it on. I strongly suggest you make December goals too, I'm going to print my post out and read it everyday to remember what I'm striving for.



Drowning





the water closes above her head
they stand, 
they stare,
and watch her drown.


please heal me.



why am I so convinced
you attain a healing power
that will close every open wound
on my body
I know you won't be
a permanent cure
for my heartache
you will only heal me temporarily
but for the time being
it is exactly
what I need



Survivor




hold your head high
you survived what the universe
has thrown at you
again and again
he tested the waters
you survived
now where is your applause?
where is your congratulations?
time and time again
you make it on your own
even if it gets harder
you are stronger than you know.


Horror Comedy



Since it's halloween, we learned about the different horror genres in my creative writing session. I rarely write short stories so it was fun to try something new. Rather than writing a really gothic horror I decided to try out horror comedy, for my first attempt I don't think I did too bad! I'm going to leave it untitled because I have no idea what to call it. I hope you enjoy it! Here it is:

It found me. How on earth did it find me? I stopped and took a deep breath. Remain calm Roxanne. Remain calm. As the silence began to scream, my heart created loud thuds that echoed in my ear. Anxiety took control of me, it started to defeat the whole purpose of having a body. It wouldn’t move. This isn’t the time. Why are you failing me now? I looked at my body which didn’t seem to belong to me anymore. My lips began to tremble, oh you’ve done it this time Roxanne. You definitely can’t escape this one. He can smell the fear trickling down your face.  Well he or she can smell fear, I mean I think it’s wrong to assume it’s gender despite its brute physicality- what am I doing?! This is not the time Roxanne. Oh dear God, I’m not ready for this. The stench got stronger and I began to gag. If you want to come after me at least showe- Hold on, how on earth would this hideous beast shower? It’s a monster for Christ’s sake. I analysed its deformed body and it’s greenish-cracked claws (looks like a fungal infection to me). It was difficult to see his face considering how far away we were from one another. The distance didn't stop it from smelling my flesh and blood. Let’s face it, this amazing body is hard to miss, I’m most definitely appetising to eat- in mid-thought the inhumane creature turned his head. The cold stare sent a wordless threat and it took my breath away. I’m not kidding, I stopped breathing for a few seconds. Chills ran through my spine when I accepted my fate. I’m going to die. The yellow stained eyes screamed out for hunger and desperation. Once the target was set, it could only fantasise about the glorious sound of crushing your bones and the heavenly taste of your juicy flesh. He suddenly moved. He came closer and closer and closer. Fuck. I could see him clearly now. When the blood dripped from his large mouth, it felt as if the blood rushed out of my body.

Nothingness




the silence spreads itself around me
and it gets harder to bear it
pounds louder and louder
slowly tearing me apart
I sink into nothingness 
questioning what it 
feels like to 
exist...


Inexplicable.




Meaningless words,
 you cannot grasp
or hold onto,
I stumble,
I pause,
a sentence I cannot form,
my mind lacks clarity,
it's impossible to explain
the inexplicable.


Ray BLK knows she's an 'Empress' and deserves the best



UK singer Ray BLK shines in her new single "Empress", where she delivers clean and soulful vocals about knowing her worth. Her first single, "Run Run",  is a powerful piece addressing youth violence. From her forthcoming debut album, Ray BLK dropped her second single "Empress". It sheds a light on different types of men who are not meant for the London singer. 

She confidently sings "I don't want to settle for less/ because I'm an empress", a noteworthy message a lot of us need to take down. It may remind us that at times, we are blinded by loneliness and we settle way below than what we hoped for. Ray BLK's new single makes us reconsider whether we are getting what we deserve. Girls remember, you are an "Empress" and you deserve the best.

Octavian plans his 'Revenge'



London rapper Octavian, undoubtedly drops bangers setting him a part from most UK artists. His pleasantly raspy, melodic tunes leaves us in anticipation for another hyped track. In his lead single 'Revenge' from his recent project Spaceman, the artist boldly warns his enemies; do not play with him. The lyrical body sets a harsh tone and is amplified by the artist's blunt and bitter threats. The rapper insists "they don't know me yet", they're not aware of how keen he is to get 'revenge' on anyone who underestimates him. Octavian point-black refuses to believe "they" will beat him in the race he is competition in. There's only certainty that he will be first to cross the finish line.


Catch A2's 'Flair' with Octavian, Yxng Bane & Suspect




After listening and familiarising myself with A2's project Blue that dropped back in 2017, it's safe to say the artist is strongly paving his way into the music scene. We may not hear as much moody and cold vibes from Blue (only a tiiiinny bit disappointing) in his new EP but it doesn't fail to demonstrate his growth in the past year.

From his latest project Purple, A2 dropped flashy undergound visuals to 'Flair' where he collabs with 3 of the UK's biggest artists. The track reveals a unique sound when four different worlds collide.  Even with each individual artist being on their own wavelength, they still manage to pull off an upbeat and energetic tune. A2 confirms his noted 'flair' through his wordplay. Essie gang representing, Octavian, allows his husky voice to spit delicately on the beat. Suspect's demanding chorus about "secur[ing] the bag" plays greatly with his direct statements about being in the game. Yxng Bane's versatility is far from surprising as he successfully switches up his flow with ease.



5 Short Tips for a Better Sense of Direction



You are getting older. Life keeps hitting you with the question, "who do you want to become?". For some of you, you know exactly who you want to be. For the rest of you, well let's put it this way... it's a question you've been avoiding.

Lacking a sense of direction in your life can be really frustrating. You're laying in bed at night thinking "Fuck, what am I actually doing with my life?" - you get emotional because you literally have no clue. Don't panic. As long as you get yourself on track, you'll be fine. If you don't have a specific passion sometimes it can be harder to find the answers which is okay. Feeling lost is normal, you will eventually find yourself. Don't rush the process but don't be lazy with it either.



'I want to be rich' - oh boy, don't we ALL!

We are not born with the same amount of ambition. Some of us are driven and determined to succeed, some of us are lazy and are happy to settle with whatever life throws our way. Now, where would you place yourself?

You may not be sure about what you want to do with yourself but are you trying hard enough to figure it out? Working takes up a HUGE amount of our lives. People have bills to pay, families to feed and the list goes on. Sadly, when you need the money you are happy to trade your peace of mind for a job you hate. This is why it's so important to consider what you want to do with your life. A lot of the time people put it off, they don't invest much time into thinking about their career path. Don't end up being one of those people who settles for less. You need to take control of your own future since you are the creator of it after all.


TIPS FOR A BETTER SENSE OF DIRECTION (Get a pen and paper!):

- Who do you want to become?

Think about: what career you want to pursue, do you want to change lives, do you want to give back to the world - if so HOW will you do this? What sort of impact do you want to have in the relationships around you?

- Brainstorm your ideas for possible careers.

 Let's say you break it down into 3 sections: What you really want to do - this includes your interests, passions and strengths. What you don't mind doing and what you definitely do not want to do.

- Research, research and research. 

Look at job descriptions to find out what the main responsibilities are and how much you will earn. Watch videos of people who are in the same industry you aspire to be in. Look for relevant events and talks. If you want to start your own business, RESEARCH AND PLAN! You don't need to execute the plan straight away but you can definitely start thinking about it.

- Understand the skills required

Develop the essential knowledge/skill(s) required. Sometimes going out of your way to learn things yourself is necessary. Using your initiative to learn something that may not be on your course is a bonus!

- Remember your 'why' 

It's easier to shape your life choices and attract things that are in line of your vision or your 'ultimate purpose' (as long as you're determined and obsessed with making your vision a reality). Remember the 'why' - the reason behind what you want to do. Think of the bigger picture. Even if you have not found your 'life's calling' or  'purpose' yet don't rush the process you will find it when the time is right.

By working for an agency it allowed me to work with loads of different people and work in different roles. It gave me insight into people's working lifestyles, I have worked in roles I never thought I would work in. I mean who knew one day, I would work in a hotel to remove bed sheets (this was ONE shift). One communality I noticed between most employees I worked with was everyone was looking forward to the day they quit. They have spent years doing something they hated. I can't imagine myself waking up every single day to work at a place I dread. I hope you can't imagine yourself doing that either so take control of your life, don't drift away with it.

It's difficult to have your whole life planned out because it never goes exactly to plan anyway. This doesn't dismiss the usefulness of having a sense of direction.  After reading this post I hope you feel more determined to have a clearer picture of what you want in life and what you can give to life too. You may not have all the answers right now so use your time wisely to find them. Be open to exploring new things, embrace uncertainty and discover your true purpose.

I lose myself




I lose myself,
again,
and again,
the essence of being
hopelessly lost,
not wanting to be found,
no attempt for rediscovery,
no attempt to find
traces of who she used to be,
I lose myself,
I have buried every piece of me.



Forsaken the Token of Love






forsaken the token of love,
it is covered with deceit
and bad intentions,
a blessing it appears to be,
only for you to fall so easily,
straight into a curse,
unbreakable chains,
your freedom stripped away,
forsaken the token of love,
avoid the unbearable pain...








Unfinished Masterpiece




An unfinished masterpiece,
words left unspoken,
the shattered pieces,
seen through the
alluring eyes.

A devils wish,
beauty of the artistry,
behind the words that flow so easily
off the tongue.

Prayers for invulnerability,
coldness to the very depths of 
the soul,
the heart speaks of a language unknown,
a language attracting
the unfinished masterpiece
and all the broken souls.

'Self-Love is a Journey'





Giving yourself love may seem easy but for many of us self-love can be really hard to practice. By external factors affecting how we see ourselves, with constant media consumption in our daily lives
to what society perceives as 'beautiful' or accepted, it's far too easy to significantly reduce self-love.

I admire women who do not seek validation from others to confirm that they are good enough and beautiful. I admire women who do not wait to be complimented to feel good about themselves when their thoughts and inner voices are already kind. I admire women who without fail accept who they are and do not wish to be anyone else but themselves.



self-love

noun

regard for one's own well-being and happiness. 

How much time do you invest to positively influence your self-love? Do you make it a priority to love yourself more each day and to be more proud of the person you are becoming?




Here are some questions to help you decide whether you are negatively feeding into self-love:

Are your thoughts and your inner voices kind?

If your answer is no:

Start to understand how these thoughts and inner voices mould you into the person you are today. It's important to make sure your words are kind because your thoughts and words reflect the energy you hold within yourself. Therefore take care so you do not emanate negative energy.

Do you accept the person you are today?

If your answer is no:

Ask yourself why? What can you do differently to become the person you want to be? 

Do people's opinions/thoughts of you affect how you see yourself?

If your answer is yes:

Remember that you are not living to please others, some people have a tendency to inflict their own insecurities onto you. Do not give anyone the power to make you feel bad about yourself when they give hurtful judgements (it says a lot more about the person who is saying it than you).

Are you making useless comparisons to other people's lifestyles, appearances to your own?

If your answer is yes:

Comparing yourself is a huge blow to your self-esteem. It's so difficult to refrain from comparison when we are constantly exposed to different people and a glimpse/insight into their lifestyles via social media. When another person appears to be more happier, own more materialistic goods, in a position of more success, make yourself fully aware that you have no idea about their journey and how they got to where they are now. Why compare yourself to someone who has put countless hours of hard work and dedication into something when you haven't done the same. Even with appearance, accept the body you were born in as it will be the same one you will die in. Why spend your whole life hating how you look if it cannot be changed?






How can I increase the love I give to myself?


Observe your thoughts

Start off by observing the thoughts you allow to circulate in your head. Are they encouraging, grateful and kind thoughts? Or are they discouraging, ungrateful and pessimistic thoughts? Analyse how these thoughts affect my behaviour, the way I think, the way I speak and my attitude. By being the watcher of what you allow to feed into your mind, you are able to see what is doing you harm. For example, when you see a really attractive girl on instagram, the first thing you may think is "wow she's really pretty" and a lot of girls would then start comparing themselves and complain they don't as attractive. This thought process is decreasing self-love. Refrain from the useless comparison, she looks the way she does and you look the way you do. Start to like your own features and accepting the way you look. You will never look like someone else BUT yourself no matter how much you wish to look like her or him. When you finally accept this you will have abundant amounts of self-love.

Positive affirmations

In a motivational video I watched, a female speaker mentioned the significance of speaking out positive affirmations. I've recently started to try this and I can already see a change in how I think and feel. Try this for the first time when you start to beat yourself up about your features or your body. Stop and say "I am made with love and I am beautiful". If you find this hard to say, you simply find it hard to love yourself. Every time you feel a negative comment about yourself building up stop and repeat this or think of other positive affirmations to say out loud.

Instead of feeling upset about being lonely and claiming no one loves you, why not try saying "love is everywhere and I am loving and lovable", just because people are in relationships doesn't mean you are not good enough or unattractive. You just need to trust your timing, there is nothing wrong with being single and when the right person comes along you will find them.

Social media 

Social is only toxic if you allow it to be. If you lack self control it is far too easy for social media to take over your life - especially when it comes to ideals and shaping your values. Simply logging out when you feel like it's upsetting you can prevent further damage to your self-esteem. There are billions of people in this world, every single person has a different story. Take ACTION if it is effecting your self esteem and remember you are only shown the highlights to anyone's story.


The people you associate yourself with

Are they always judging what you do? Are they never supportive and encouraging? Are they unkind? Do they make you feel shitty? If your answer is yes to all 4 questions, you need to find a new circle. People have way too many meaningless friendships and ignore the simple fact that they shouldn't associate themselves with people who do not reciprocate the same energy. Think about the people in your life and what impact they have (is it positive or negative?).

Make time for what you like doing 

It's important to unwind by doing something you enjoy. Whether it be writing, cooking, playing a sport, gym; take a break. We usually like doing things we're good at, this means that we can boost our self-esteem and self-love.


Spending time alone

"Solitude is richness of self". Take some time out to be alone and reflect on yourself. Observe how you feel, understand what is going on inside of you, recollect your thoughts, clear you mind and relax.

Accepting yourself

Acceptance is the biggest step towards self-love. By not accepting who we are or what we look like we're living in denial. If you really don't like a feature about yourself, for instance your weight, you can make an effort to change it. What cannot be changed must be accepted. With that being said, you need to be patient with the process as accepting yourself can take time.


Pamper yourself

Plan a nice outfit, paint your nails, curl your hair, do something different with yourself. It is the little things as well that can increase self-love.




The final point I want to leave you with is this; we need to prevent ourselves from doing things that diminish self love. I wrote a poem called Precious Temple, it is about our bodies being a precious temple that shouldn't be wrongfully owned or broken into. You are the owner of your body, LEARN to love it. You are born in it. You will die in it. Self-acceptance is a step towards an abundant amount of self-love. No matter how busy your life is take a moment to stop and observe how you feel. Life can leave us feeling unbalanced so care for yourself and love yourself.

Strangely Euphonious



forlorn shadows enter the room,
no life,
no sound,
strings unattached
until a melancholic tune is crooned,
weeps at the torn sheets on the bed,
scratches on the wall,
echoes of silent screams blends in
with a strangely euphonious tune...


Jay Shetty's Eye Opening Message



Growing up, Jay Shetty took part in anything that aroused him. Surprisingly, Jay Shetty was a 'rebellious teenager' but he managed to find his way and redirect his path. In this video Shetty shares an enlightening message which stems from a time he met a monk who completely changed his perspective and even inspired him to become a monk too.
This video is an eye opener as Jay Shetty articulates the importance of clearly knowing what one wants. An important piece of advice that struck out to me is that we need to start listening to our inner voices. Our inner voices can help us truly understand what it is we want. However, this becomes difficult when we are surrounded by excessive external noise. The more often we hear this noise the quicker and easier it is to become immune to it. Rather than listening to our inner voices to make decision for us, we starting listening to the noise which gets into heads (for instance, the pressures of societal expectations, parent expectations, friends, people around you). To weaken this external disruptive noise from influencing your decisions, Shetty introduces detachment - "Detachment is not that you owe nothing, detachment is that nothing owes you".



Some of us are certain about the careers we want to pursue but sometimes when we get there, it isn't what we imagined or what we thought it would be. Jay Shetty suggests we should fast forward our lives 10 or 15 years down the line and ask ourselves, "is this where I want to be?". Sometimes the path society carves out for us is not the path meant for us and thus, not the one we must follow. The monk talks us through 3 steps we should take when we face these challenges:
Without clarity, we lose a sense of direction and become lost. This is why so many people end up in occupations they hate. It all comes down to developing self-awareness and deeply knowing one's thoughts. You need to divert your focus to your PURPOSE in life to create fulfilment of what you really want.
Step 1 - Being exposed to unique experiences and role models
Step 2 - Shadowing, networking, observing role models you're passionate about
Step 3 - Yes or no, is this who I want to be?





In an ideal life, according to the monk we all have a head, heart and a hand that work together in alignment.

Head - clarity of vision, knowing what you want
Heart - understanding your intuition and what your heart wants
Hand - the service you give

Without clarity, we lose a sense of direction and become lost. This is why so many people end up in occupations they hate. It all comes down to developing self-awareness and deeply knowing one's thoughts. You need to divert your focus to your PURPOSE in life to create fulfilment of what you really want.


The Power of Now | BOOK REVIEW





I have to admit, this book took me a while to finish.  It's quite intense and heavy in terms of context - it requires an open mind and deep thinking however, it doesn’t remove the earnest and meaningful flare of Elkhart Tolle's writing. In order to get a clear and comprehensible idea of how to apply Tolle's meditative ideals, I think it would be reasonable to read it at least twice which is what I will probably do.

Through Tolle’s spiritual enlightenment guide you can learn how 'The Power of Now' frees you from chains of pain and suffering by focusing on this very moment. By surrendering and completely accepting what is is the only way we can allow inner peace to enter our lives and become fully conscious.

I struggle deeply with living in the now, I would rather live in a false reality than focus on the present. Why? Because it gives me freedom, happiness and an escape from what is. Now what good does this do? It only ends up becoming delusional. It hurts more knowing that the present moment does not match your false fantasy of what you want your life to be. By ignoring the pain of your reality rather than facing it and accepting it, you only allow it to grow.

Tolle points out that we shouldn't be mistaken - he is not saying we should accept all things wrong with our lives and leave it as it is. He says ACCEPT it as it is, then take the necessary action to change it. Do not dwell on something you CANNOT change or not WILLING to change as this brings you away from the most important moment you have - the present.




“Make it a habit to ask yourself: What’s going on inside me at this moment? That question will point you in the right direction. But don’t analyse, just watch. Focus your attention within. Feel the energy of emotion. If there is no emotion present, take your attention more deeply into the inner energy field of your body. It is the doorway into Being."


Allowing your body to FEEL the emotion rather than THINKING about it is a key factor to living in the now. By living in denial of how you truly feel and failing to address these negative emotions fabricates a life lived in denial. This ends up becoming problematic because it builds up it can transform into a physical problem. By observing our thoughts and body we can take control of the energy that flows within. 

In the book the writer highlights using all our senses fully. Allowing yourself to listen to the silence you find peace. Allowing yourself to appreciate the empty spaces, you find peace. Allow yourself to feel nothing and be nothing, you find peace. Most importantly, accepting what is and allowing yourself to just be - you find peace. 




"The past and present is an illusion" 

Elkhart Tolle does not speak about this in a philosophical sense, he emphasises it as a plain fact. Everything that is happening is happening in this very moment. When we think about the future, it is an imagined projected future. We long so much for the future because we believe our lives will drastically change. Success attained will give us all materialistic goods we desired, we will find the love our lives, we will finally get what we want. Ignorantly, we forget happiness cannot be attained as the future cannot change the state of your inner being. Only the present can. This mind dominance linking to time (only attaching yourself to the past and future) is the biggest destroyer of peace and increases the denial of the now.

"mind habitually denies and resists the now because it cannot function and remain in control without time...[and] receives the timeless now as threatening"



"To go beyond the mind and reconnect with the deeper relativity of Being, very different qualities are needed: surrender, non judgement, an openness that allows life to be instead of resisting it, the capacity to hold all think in the loving embrace of your knowing"

Being unconscious of the pain we inflict on ourselves means that our behavioural and mind patterns start to work in line with attracting pain. The pain body is described as the "dark shadow cast by the ego", Tolle points out the longer we fail to acknowledge it the stronger the pain body becomes. It feeds on the negative energy field you produce, prevents any good from lasting in your life. So don't hold onto what is causing disruption inside, let it go, learn to just be.


My favourite quote of the book is this simple line:

"You attract and manifest whatever corresponds to your inner state"

Read it once and read it again. Think about it. How does this relate to you?

I Have Died to Become Alive Again




Toxicity of the black ashes,
from the remains of the wretched bones,
it only knew how to engulf itself in darkness
and repel the light that it never once got to touch.

Flooded in euphoria,
it’s refreshing to know
I have died
to become alive again.




Ay Em claims his wave will make you "Seasick"




After recently featuring on Dappy's new single "Oh My", the rising UK underground artist collaborates with M Huncho to bring the waves with his brand new track "Seasick". 

Ay Em jumps on a head bopping trap beat produced by 2FVDED & Jay Weathers, he makes it clear "[he's] never falling in love that shit had [him] in pieces", forgetting about love he now only focuses on the money and his grind in music. Ay Em's melodic rap is impressive and assertive, he discusses how women want to jump on his wave that will "leave you all seasick", he then sings about life in the trap house where he "had a dream/woke up to a theme" reliving what he imagined. M Huncho, another UK emerging artist, starts his verse with his signature melodic rap. He threatens to not make him "lose it on sight" and speaks about how girls fall in love with the way he gets his money.

Sneakbo calls for "Mercy" in his new single




South London born and raised, MC Sneakbo, delivers a brand new single "Mercy" since releasing his manor dedicated debut album, Brixton back in March.

The rapper switches up his usual style of UK Rap in different parts of the track, utilising his skill of versatility as an artist.  Flown out overseas, the vibrant visuals accompanies the nylon stringed guitar with blends of tropic vibes. Sneakbo looks back on the memory of a "French spice" he had "hella love for" but broke his trust. The artist discusses his disappointment for the woman who appeared to be different from the others he met on tour and remembers, "hoes aren't loyal".

Denzel Curry gets dark in "CLOUT COBAIN"



Following his last album Imperial that dropped back in 2016, Denzel Curry is returning with his forthcoming album TA13OO. The new track "CLOUT COBAIN | CLOUT CO13A1N" is a feature on the album and it brings a dark underlying message to the surface: the frightening mental challenges artists have to face with fame and success. A deep sense of creativity in the black and white video works perfectly with the lyricism, we first see Denzel Curry with his face painted as joker. He starts singing "I just wanna feel myself/you want me to kill myself" demonstrating his hardships in dealing with the fame and the attention. Curry stands in the middle of a disturbing circus fermented by drugs as he raps over a heavy bass and eerie piano chord. The cynicism is heightened. Curry's lyrics does not suggest hope, he raps: "so paranoid, I don't know who be plotting on me" and how his friends could be waiting to turn against him, isolating himself into a box where he can only depend on himself.

The chorus leads with "suicidal doors, call it Kurt Cobain" linking to the title "Clout Cobain", a lot of rappers/artists in the industry appear to be suffering mentally - simply because they push themselves to maintain an image and clout, even if it does mean self-destructing. The late Kurt Cobain from iconic band Nirvana committed suicide back in 1994 and there are many artists who speak about suicide in their songs showing clear indications of unhealthy pressures of the industry. It may even make us question, why are they not getting the help they need?

Roy Woods switches it up on "Russian Cream" and "Snow White"



OVO singer Roy Woods dropped two new tracks "Russian Cream" and "Snow Write" since his last debut album Say Less dropped last year.
In "Russian Cream" Woods switches up the mood, unlike his usual atmospheric and sullen sound, the singer flexes on a trap beat with heavy kicks. He takes a shot at people who copy his own sauce, something that isn't a one off as he claims it happens "all the time". Not to forget to mention how Woods doesn't put "a thought into a thot, that's a waste of time" and the result of the money making lifestyle lives.



"Snow White" is a sexy laidback R&B track, Woods croons over a smooth beat about an attractive women who wears his clothes and fulfils his sexual desires. Woods sings delicately but this contrasts with the sharp and grave statements he makes about rolling with "niggas that gon shoot" when they need to.

070 Shake thrives with her recent release






There's something about 070 Shake that indicates clearly why Kanye West was fascinated by her. The compelling voice that stood out on "Ghost Town" from Kanye West's album Ye, 070 Shake had her breakout moment as a feature. Her verse towards the end created a huge spotlight as she sang about being a child again and being free from inflicted pain.

070 Shake's new track "I Laugh When I'm With Friends, But Sad When I'm Alone" an honest and gripping song where Shake discloses the affects of judgements on her mental health, drug usage and the struggle to "solve these problems" the rapper has to face.

With a deep-toned gripping voice, when Shake starts rapping we instantly hook ourselves into the monologue type scene as a story unravels, when she starts singing about having to "shoot up to my brain to become the person that I wanna be" her voice transitions into a more mellow sound.

It's not all gloom and dark because towards the end of the track it takes a more optimistic and positive turn, she sends a message giving hope to the youth that "the future's bright... we got us, we are the light/ we are the world, we are love" and also appears to be reassuring herself about the unidentifiable stronger inner self: "the strong you is inside, but you just haven't met her".

Shake reminds us that life is tough but no matter what is thrown our way "only we control our storm because we are the weather" and the strength to overcome trials and tribulations is within ourselves.

Most Influential Lessons since January 2018


I'm taking part in Ayana The Oracle's #JulyGratitudeChallenge. For day 9 of the challenge, the task was to reflect on a lesson that has been most influential in your life since January 2018. Although 2018 is not over yet there are plenty of things I have still learnt, it's continuing to have a lasting impact on the person I want to become and in my life.

Some of the most influential lessons I've received since January 2018 has been:

1. The power of living in the now


A few days ago I finished a book called "The Power of Now", a book that guides you into spiritual development. It stresses the significance in how living in the present will free you from chains of suffering and pain. Ask yourself, how often does my mind wander to the past and present? How often do I pay attention to my surroundings? How often do I enjoy the peace and silence of nothing? How often do I live in the now? If I concentrate on this very moment, my problems do not exist.

Only when I allow the 'now' to fully correspond with my body and allow the feeling of being present to penetrate is when I can achieve inner peace. When I stop focusing on issues of the past and the anxious thought of the obscure future, I am free from unneccessary mental strain. I can retain consciousness and calmness.


2) Approaching situations with a positive attitude


Being positive all the time is pretty impossible. Life comes at you fast, things are thrown your way, even when you don't deserve them. However, sometimes certain situations would be much easier to handle if you approached it with a different attitude.

A few days ago I managed to spill tea on my MacBook (only God knows how).. I cried, oh boy I cried. I was angry, I was continuously insulting myself and getting worked up for being so stupid and clumsy. This did not change the fact that my MacBook was broken. Of course I am allowed to be angry and upset but what is the use when it doesn't reverse time. I ended up having a shitty day ahead of me because of my attitude.

When you change your attitude towards inconvenience and things that do not go your way you are allowing yourself to accept what is. If you get stressed over the littlest things or worked up and frustrated for no valid reason, think about what you are doing to your mind and body. Not only are you creating a negative energy field but you are not allowing inner peace to enter. Take a breath, relax and BELIEVE it WILL work out with a POSITIVE attitude. Remember, you attract what you are.

3) Greater practice of self-discipline will make you stronger

For some who hates wasting time, I waste a hell of a lot of it. Why? Lack of self discipline. I don't discipline myself enough to do what I should be doing. This means I put off tasks I should be doing today, this results in a greater workload for tomorrow. In a motivational video I watched last week, a speaker said "There is always someone willing to do the things you are not willing to do today". When I heard this it really struck me that if I want to be more, I need to more and of course, this requires self-discipline.


The most beautiful thing about being human is that our mental growth doesn't have to be limited or contained. We don't have to be the same person we were yesterday and we don't have to be the same person today. 2018 is not over and there is still a lot more room for self growth, to become a better version of who you are. If we remain open to the lessons the universe wants us to learn, the influence will be greater than you think.


What are your most influential lessons since January 2018?

Tuesdays with Morrie | BOOK REVIEW


I am a huge fan of self-help literature and there are many books I cannot wait to get my hands on. One of them was Tuesdays with Morrie, an insightful and heart warming book where an ex student, Mitch Albom rediscovers his old professor Morrie Schwartz. Mitch found his professor in the last few months of his life as he suffered from an untreatable disease called ALS, during that time they shared one final class where Morrie teached 'life's greatest lessons'.

There are many enlightening parts in the book; one aspect I was drawn to was Morrie's account of death. The professor places emphasis on how different we would live if we knew today would be the day we died: "Everyone's going to die, but nobody believes it. If we did we would do things differently", Schwartz suggests our fear of death reduces our acknowledgement of it. A lot of us view death as a frightening thing despite how natural it is. We only really start to think about how limited our time is when death gets close to us. For instance, when someone we know or love dies or the constant death we hear about in the news.

We must learn how to die in order to learn to live. We must learn to be at peace with dying, to be at peace with living. By being prepared for death at any time you have a completely different perspective in life. Morrie advises us to get into "the habit of standing back and looking at our lives and saying, is this all I want? Is something missing?" and whether we are being who want to be. Living with this clarity and acceptance we can then begin to live with urgency and purposefulness by understanding that our last breath could be taken at any moment.

I admired Morrie's explanation on how he dealt with the feeling of grief and self pity. Some mornings he would mourn for himself and cry yet he would leave it in that very moment - he refused to carry the pain of sorrow and helplessness throughout the day. Instead, he would step away from it and just live - enjoy life for what it is; a point I think we could all take note of. Many of us need to allow ourselves to feel the way we do, accept the feeling but also learn to step away from it and carry on living.. It links to Buddhists concept of detachment. We need to allow emotions to fully penetrate you, feel them and detach yourself from it and then "concentrate on all the good things in life" because they do not last forever.

Morrie Schwartz believes "the most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and let it come in", in terms of finding a meaningful life according to the professor we must: "Devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning." Although Morrie Schwartz died on 4 November 1995, his teachings still exist today- as quoted by the professor himself, even when you die "you still live on - in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here", it's fair to say he definitely touched mine and every other reader who has ever picked up the book.


Welcome!






You are officially reading the first post of Sheedah Blogs (exciting ehhhh?). I am so excited to finally launch this blog considering I've been planning to do it for some time. My deadline to publish was in March but I was really indecisive with choosing a theme, I wasn't sure what website I would use to create my blog and a lot of other excuses but who cares? I've finally done it!

So what is Sheedah Blogs all about? Sheedah Blogs is my personal creative space, I will be sharing with you a variety of topics ranging from lifestyle, skincare, motivation/inspiration and poetry.

What is The Gemini Review? The Gemini Review is my favourite element of my blog and I can't wait for you to read the upcoming posts. The Gemini Review reflects my passion for music; it will include articles on upcoming artists, album reviews and the best new sound! I will also be featuring underground talent.

When I first joined the blogging community, about 3 years ago, writing was definitely my getaway.  My first blog was my safe haven, during that time I wasn't exactly in the best place but writing definitely helped me with what I was going through; it was my therapy. There was something about writing anonymously that put me at ease. I didn't like the idea of having people I know read personal things about myself. It was relieving knowing there was no identity behind the things I put out there, it made me comfortable.

Being a part of the blogging community taught me many things. Not only the beauty and art in writing but also the ways in which writing connects people too. I was really surprised by the amount of people who could relate to some of my posts I had written on my first blog. It also reminded me when you consider the amount of people who live in this world there is bound to be one person who feels, thinks and experiences things the way you do.

With that being said, I have finally taken the plunge and decided to write in my own name! I hope Sheedah Blogs will inspire, motivate and entertain you!


Lots of love,

Rashidah x