'Self-Love is a Journey'

Giving yourself love may seem easy but for many of us self-love can be really hard to practice. By external factors affecting how we see ourselves, with constant media consumption in our daily lives
to what society perceives as 'beautiful' or accepted, it's far too easy to significantly reduce self-love.

I admire women who do not seek validation from others to confirm that they are good enough and beautiful. I admire women who do not wait to be complimented to feel good about themselves when their thoughts and inner voices are already kind. I admire women who without fail accept who they are and do not wish to be anyone else but themselves.



regard for one's own well-being and happiness. 

How much time do you invest to positively influence your self-love? Do you make it a priority to love yourself more each day and to be more proud of the person you are becoming?

Here are some questions to help you decide whether you are negatively feeding into self-love:

Are your thoughts and your inner voices kind?

If your answer is no:

Start to understand how these thoughts and inner voices mould you into the person you are today. It's important to make sure your words are kind because your thoughts and words reflect the energy you hold within yourself. Therefore take care so you do not emanate negative energy.

Do you accept the person you are today?

If your answer is no:

Ask yourself why? What can you do differently to become the person you want to be? 

Do people's opinions/thoughts of you affect how you see yourself?

If your answer is yes:

Remember that you are not living to please others, some people have a tendency to inflict their own insecurities onto you. Do not give anyone the power to make you feel bad about yourself when they give hurtful judgements (it says a lot more about the person who is saying it than you).

Are you making useless comparisons to other people's lifestyles, appearances to your own?

If your answer is yes:

Comparing yourself is a huge blow to your self-esteem. It's so difficult to refrain from comparison when we are constantly exposed to different people and a glimpse/insight into their lifestyles via social media. When another person appears to be more happier, own more materialistic goods, in a position of more success, make yourself fully aware that you have no idea about their journey and how they got to where they are now. Why compare yourself to someone who has put countless hours of hard work and dedication into something when you haven't done the same. Even with appearance, accept the body you were born in as it will be the same one you will die in. Why spend your whole life hating how you look if it cannot be changed?

How can I increase the love I give to myself?

Observe your thoughts

Start off by observing the thoughts you allow to circulate in your head. Are they encouraging, grateful and kind thoughts? Or are they discouraging, ungrateful and pessimistic thoughts? Analyse how these thoughts affect my behaviour, the way I think, the way I speak and my attitude. By being the watcher of what you allow to feed into your mind, you are able to see what is doing you harm. For example, when you see a really attractive girl on instagram, the first thing you may think is "wow she's really pretty" and a lot of girls would then start comparing themselves and complain they don't as attractive. This thought process is decreasing self-love. Refrain from the useless comparison, she looks the way she does and you look the way you do. Start to like your own features and accepting the way you look. You will never look like someone else BUT yourself no matter how much you wish to look like her or him. When you finally accept this you will have abundant amounts of self-love.

Positive affirmations

In a motivational video I watched, a female speaker mentioned the significance of speaking out positive affirmations. I've recently started to try this and I can already see a change in how I think and feel. Try this for the first time when you start to beat yourself up about your features or your body. Stop and say "I am made with love and I am beautiful". If you find this hard to say, you simply find it hard to love yourself. Every time you feel a negative comment about yourself building up stop and repeat this or think of other positive affirmations to say out loud.

Instead of feeling upset about being lonely and claiming no one loves you, why not try saying "love is everywhere and I am loving and lovable", just because people are in relationships doesn't mean you are not good enough or unattractive. You just need to trust your timing, there is nothing wrong with being single and when the right person comes along you will find them.

Social media 

Social is only toxic if you allow it to be. If you lack self control it is far too easy for social media to take over your life - especially when it comes to ideals and shaping your values. Simply logging out when you feel like it's upsetting you can prevent further damage to your self-esteem. There are billions of people in this world, every single person has a different story. Take ACTION if it is effecting your self esteem and remember you are only shown the highlights to anyone's story.

The people you associate yourself with

Are they always judging what you do? Are they never supportive and encouraging? Are they unkind? Do they make you feel shitty? If your answer is yes to all 4 questions, you need to find a new circle. People have way too many meaningless friendships and ignore the simple fact that they shouldn't associate themselves with people who do not reciprocate the same energy. Think about the people in your life and what impact they have (is it positive or negative?).

Make time for what you like doing 

It's important to unwind by doing something you enjoy. Whether it be writing, cooking, playing a sport, gym; take a break. We usually like doing things we're good at, this means that we can boost our self-esteem and self-love.

Spending time alone

"Solitude is richness of self". Take some time out to be alone and reflect on yourself. Observe how you feel, understand what is going on inside of you, recollect your thoughts, clear you mind and relax.

Accepting yourself

Acceptance is the biggest step towards self-love. By not accepting who we are or what we look like we're living in denial. If you really don't like a feature about yourself, for instance your weight, you can make an effort to change it. What cannot be changed must be accepted. With that being said, you need to be patient with the process as accepting yourself can take time.

Pamper yourself

Plan a nice outfit, paint your nails, curl your hair, do something different with yourself. It is the little things as well that can increase self-love.

The final point I want to leave you with is this; we need to prevent ourselves from doing things that diminish self love. I wrote a poem called Precious Temple, it is about our bodies being a precious temple that shouldn't be wrongfully owned or broken into. You are the owner of your body, LEARN to love it. You are born in it. You will die in it. Self-acceptance is a step towards an abundant amount of self-love. No matter how busy your life is take a moment to stop and observe how you feel. Life can leave us feeling unbalanced so care for yourself and love yourself.

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