Dealing with Insecurities | Dating and Relationships



My family loves to remind me how single I am. Somehow I find myself being interrogated about my non-existent boyfriend: What's his name? What does he look like? Where's he from? Obviously, I can't answer these questions because I don't have one...duh. I think I was 16 or 17 when my mum told me I couldn't have a boyfriend until I was 21 (LOL - literally). Her fear of unwanted pregnancies was probably her main concern. Focus on your books and work hard. It's my 21st birthday next month - looks like my mum didn't have anything to worry about after all!


When you get told about the new guy your friends are talking to, the multiple dates they have lined up or updates on they're in a relationship, you start to wonder when it will be your time. The only exciting thing about my love life that I seem to talk about is the countless crushes I have on guys who never seem to be interested in me (ha!). 



"You need to get yourself out there" is probably the most common advice I am told. I agree. You're not exactly increasing the chances of finding someone if you're stuck in your room all day hiding in your bed (well we can't help that now considering coronaVIRUS!). You need to position yourself. Go out more and meet new people. If only it was that easy...  Finding the confidence to go out can be difficult when I know I don't look my best. You want to present the best version of yourself and make a good impression.  Eczema doesn't make me feel confident in my own skin, so when I have a bad flare up I avoid going out. To be honest, my main priority is becoming healthy again and healing my skin before I start focusing on dating. Don't get me wrong, there are times I wish I had someone to date, so we could do the flip the switch challenge on Triller and take cute pics for the gram. Okay, there are more valid reasons of course...

A few weeks ago, I read a blog post about how eczema has affected a blogger's dating life. When you don't meet society's standards of "beauty" dating can be difficult. Dealing with something that affects the quality of your relationships or the chances of relationships forming can take a toll on your self-esteem. Insecurities can form and you start to doubt yourself and your worth. People will always say “someone will love you for you” and “you’ll find someone” but we usually ask when? Even if I'm surrounded by people who are in relationships, situationships or whatever I try to not compare myself. My time will come eventually, I guess it's a matter of patience.

How to Deal with Insecurities

Insecurities can form when there's something you don't like about yourself. If your insecurities are linked to your appearance, they are most likely out of your control. When it's something that cannot be changed right now, you have no other choice but to accept it. It's hard, trust me I know and it can take a lot of time but we need to make an effort. How exactly can you learn to live with insecurities?

Release Negative/Limiting Beliefs

Stop telling yourself you're never going to find anyone or you'll always be single. What you put out into the universe is what you get. Try to become aware of any negative beliefs you have about yourself. These limiting thoughts can make you unconsciously self-sabotage situations without even realising. Imagine having an opening to talk to the 'love of your life' and you blew it - gutted would be an understatement! You can change these beliefs by:
  • Affirmations
Work on affirming the things you desire into your life. Write a list of affirmations and repeat these in the morning and evening every day to change the beliefs embedded into your subconscious mind.
This is a great way to change your subconscious beliefs. It could still pop up in your head but you will learn how to handle them better and not identify with it.

Accept and Love Yourself

First, accept yourself and learn to love yourself. Be open to receiving and giving love. Even though I have a skin disease, this doesn't mean I am any less worthy of finding someone. When I start dating I would have to make the person aware that I have eczema if it hasn't cleared up by then. I might not always look my best, but if they can't handle it or accept me for who I am, they're not right for me.

Remember Your Worth

Low self-esteem creates negative perceptions of ourselves. If you lack self-confidence put post-it notes around your room/house to remind yourself that you are amazing! Remember being in a relationship shouldn't dictate how deserving you are of love. Your insecurities don't make you any less deserving of love. 

Whether you have been single for a long time or never had a girlfriend/boyfriend, don't let it bother you. You will experience love as long as you trust that it will come to you, just be patient. Self-acceptance can be a long journey but by letting go of insecurities that are holding us back is the only way we can experience life for what it is. Regardless of how I look, my skin does not define who I am.

Yes, I'm nearly 21 and I've never had a boyfriend...the last (and first) guy I dated was when I was 16 but who caresss?? Is it really the end of the world? Are men going to be wiped off the face of the earth any time soon? No, men will always be there which means the opportunity to find someone to share my life with will always be there too. Instead of feeling sad about how your love life is going, you could be grateful that you don't have any female/male distractions. This means you can divert full focus onto yourself and your own personal growth - how great is that?

Whether you believe in God, the universe, or a powerful force, trust that someone special is being aligned for you! Someone will love you for you. Believe in the unseen and have strong faith. Your time will come, again just be patient. Sometimes I forget I'm young and have so much life to live. It's normal to have a desire to feel wanted and to be loved. So what if a lot of people I know are in relationships. I'm sure there are millions of people my age who are single. For now, I can focus on myself and learning more about who I am.




21 comments

  1. Girl, you really do have to love yourself before someone loves you... and I hope that one day you find someone who adores you so much that he thinks about you every day and would go to the ends of the earth to please you! Haha my parents told me a joke about how in Asian households (I'm Asian) parents are always like, "You can't have a boyfriend until you're 25." and then at 25 they're like "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" And you're like "seriously? What were you expecting." But yeah, all in due time.

    -M
    MEGHAN

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you💙💙 I hope so too! Patience is a virtue as they say. That literally happens in African households as well lmao it's so annoying

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